Sunday, April 15, 2012

SHAME

Just some links, to point you to places on the Internet where such brilliant and beautiful meditations on emotions and the body, in the form of shame, are taking place. I have been reading Kristen Stone's interesting meditations on queer performativity+ shame, bringing in Eve Sedgwick. Then I read this AM  Danielle Pafunda's essay on Montevidayo, Shame is an Autoimmune Disorder, which I identified with in many ways. Danielle is definitely one of my favorite essayists on the Internet, and she always writes such bodily emotional essays that manage also to be so circumspect and erudite. Danielle in her essay pointed me to Julie Carr's beautiful essay for the Poetry Foundation around the topic of Shame and the "Shape of the I" conference that went on at Boulder last week. I would be remiss not to point out also Marie Calloway's recent story, which is so much about shame and articulating the interior queasy feelings silent girls don't always vocalize at public events, with boys they want to impress.

Maybe all of this brilliant writing will finally push me to write my talk. My Talk in my mind has grown epic, it's the problem. I feel there's no way I can be a Writer lately. Not enough of a Writer. I fear being judged. I fear not being specific enough. Or poetic enough. Or angry enough. Sometimes emotions are locked in me like some cool chamber, in order to feel stable I don't want to push myself, to get them out.