1. 12/31/2009. The first one. Titled "My Vomitous Blog Manifesto." Basically meta about the whole experience, and gets into Dodie Bellamy's essay "Barf Manifesto," hence, title. Really quite ejaculatory but ecstatic I think. At this point I had no idea how to write a blog, and every time I typed a title, I linked to it on Amazon, which I don't really do, anymore.
2. 1/2/2010. The second one. "Consciousness is a Surface: Literary Style Icons (Part One)". I think I like these earlier few posts the most, the essay-posts kind of stopped except sporadically when I got heated over something once I was assigned the Semiotext(e) book. Also notable: this is the post where I first met Kate Durbin in the comments, who at one later point in the comments sections agreed that if I die young (youngish, I turn 34 tomorrow) she will curate an exhibit of my clothes, like Louise Bourgeois did with herself or Dodie Bellamy did with Kathy Acker.
3. 1/8/2010. "The Anorexic Text: Consciousness is a Surface (Part Two)." This was the post where I began to theorize my ideas of the "anorexic" or the "bulimic text." I have since revised these ideas, I now think of it as the "implicit" versus the "explicit" text. But I think what I was really trying to figure out was the male modernist's male experimentalist's absolutely ego-strewn bravado, and something about automatic writing, who practiced it, who was allowed.
4. 1/12/2010. "Were the male Surrealists bulimic? were they feminine? are these stupid questions?". Began rereading Blue of Noon and discoursing on Tropic of Cancer.
5. 1/22/2010. Tis Pity She's a Whore: The Prostitute in Henry Miller & Sade + Best Cinematic Hookers. This is when I, once again, abandoned Mad Wife, a project I had worked on for years, and began working again on my triptych of an American Fritzl, Under the Shadow of My Rooof. I'm still really interested in these ideas. This is also the day I got into a kerfuffle on HTML Giant regarding Jimmy Chen's post on Zelda Fitzgerald, which has since been taken down.
6. 1/31/2010. The Mother-Lover. This post marks being first friends with S. at Repat Blues, and us exchanging Duras and Collobert, and my first meditations on not only the jouissance of discovery and reading but also trying to theorize this feminine community online.
7. 2/4/2010. Borderline/Feels Like I'm Going to Lose My Mind. I like this post because on one hand it's my reading of Bracha Ettinger's Matrixial Borderspace, but it's really about how flittingly and promiscuously and emotionally I read theory.
8. 2/26/2010. We Wear the Red Garbs of Criminals. On violence + the Papin Sisters, etc. Also the rant is kind of violent.
9. 3/21/2010. Working. Meditating on class issues and a sense of being outside. I think again at this point I was shut out of Ph.D. programs the second year in a row.
10. 4/1/2010. To collect the fragments of the afternoon. Meditations on the hysteric, using a hysterical style.
11. 4/11/2010. Denver: Notebook. This is when I start to break down and freak out about being an author, a minor minor invisible one at that, as I attend the AWP conference in Denver. Kind of a twin with the previous post, Terminal. At this point the dread of my author-function begins to filter into everything I write.
12. 4/23/2010. Yes I am Frump. You can Go Fuck Yourself. Simone De Beauvoir's ass is also in Heroines.
13. 5/4/2010. What does this Represent, What do You Represent. Young nubile Hannah Wilke versus older bloated cancered Hannah Wilke, Marina Abramovic, Sasha Grey, the novels of Elfriede Jelinek. I'm still really interested in these ideas for a few essay book I call Slapping Clark Gable.
14. 6/2/2010. List-less. Rallying against the New Yorkers 30 under 30 issue.
(NOTE: At this point, in the summer of 2010, my uncle, my dad's identical twin is dying, and I'm shuttling to Chicago every weekend to help take care of him, I'm fucking up the first draft of the Semiotext(e) book, and the blog turns into a short, clipped journal of sorts, for the most part, with occasional essays. At this point I also start to question the blog constantly.)
15. 8/30/2010. Coming to Writing(Again). My uncle dies. The book is turned in yet fucked. I start to write blog posts again.
16. 12/9/2010 Flattened. On rejection.
Most of the posts in 2011 are very bloggy, as I was deep at work reading for the rewrite of the Semiotext(e) book, now called Heroines. Although there are some essays in the midst of the diary writing and blogginess.
17. 3/27/2011. O Face: Poetry and Fashion and Oprah's Magazine. This was one of those posts where I was responding to a controversy in the lit scene, namely, the recent spread in O Magazine starring young female poets, but really made me want to dialogue about a lot of the anti-fashion vibes I was getting in response to this, wanting to create a continuum with these modernist women I was working with.
18. 6/7/2011. The Golden Age. Ranting against Woody Allen's new film and the general mythology of authordom versus musedom, a kind of ranty version of what I write in Heroines.
19. 11/21/2011. Why I Am Afraid Of Being Institutionalized. My response to J.S.A. Lowe's amazing essay in HTML Giant about being outed as a blogger at her creative writing Ph.D., looking at these personal literary blogs as form.
20. 12/24/2011. All the Sad Young Pretty Girls. On Cum-On-His-Face-Gate.
