beautiful and inspiring, as I sit in bed attempting to smooth out my thoughts on the blog form and the public-girl-writer-self for the finale of Heroines. Puppy Jean Genet comes tonight. I am nervous yet excited. There are strange beautiful pastel flowers growing on the Christmas cactus plant I've had for a year now, which makes me feel full of possibility. Today I have decided not to try to open a boutique, but to attempt to study German and French and apply for Ph.Ds in comp lit programs in a couple of years. Of course I have had two years of being shut out from Ph.D. programs entirely, but maybe now I'm ready, maybe I can make myself into a good enough candidate. And those were English programs, anyway. I will write my dissertation on the Vienna Group and Bernhard, Handke, and Jelinek, as that's a book I'd like to write anyway. It is a strange warm-up here in December, 70 degrees yesterday and today. Humid. Christmas cactus. I've been kind of in heat.