I've just realized I can post a blog post on my phone, which is rather terrifying and alarming. When he leaves I ask him to turn off the Internet so I can WORK, but I still can be online through my phone. This blogging through phone is strange. I only can see one line ahead of me so it is like I am walking through a dark hallway. Anyway. Am transcribing Viv's last years pre-asylum today. Oh, the experience of reading the lives of my wives, like stumbling upon the history of a toxic girlfriend, feeling alternatively pity and fear and an eyerolling cringe. So abject and gooshy. And this intimacy and recognition coupled with a terrifying need to distance oneself, like VWoolf felt with Viv, her mad doppelgänger.
Today I feel like Viv the absolute need to move to someplace in the country or woods, then I'd be able to walk freely and look at birds while I wrote. Also, a pressing desire for work that takes me out of the house but still gives me time to work on this project. Oh, what I wouldn't do for a couple of good classes to teach. Or...or...well I have no idea what else, actually.