If someone agrees to go to AWP for me, and impersonate me the entire time, for all the related activities, etc., I will give you a trillion dollars. I will love you for fucking forever. If that doesn't seem optimal or appropriate I will harass your chosen object of your esteem to fall madly in love with you, talking you up so sweetly. I will bother celebrities I don't know to get them to give you their signed headshots. I will commit some sort of petty crime for you, such as: theft.
Seriously. I have a one-way ticket from Durham, NC to Washington, DC as well. Which is yours if you take this offer. I also have three nights reserved at one of the AWP hotels at the special rate.
This is not a blog post.