Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dear wonderful readers of this blog - it is the New Year and I have decided for now to discontinue this blog, or to make it eventually instead really one of those author's sites updating about certain things or that. I am deep in the reading stage of this essay book - which I can say confidently now is a strict departure from the content of the blog, tone and style and content and everything, a book that deals with literary heroines and marriages, especially some of the ones up above (Zelda/Scott, Lizzie/Cal, Jane/Paul, Unica/Hans). I am realizing that I need to actually exist entirely in that other world, in order to complete it in three months, and that I am only merely hanging on and not keeping up any sort of interesting living document anymore on this blog and realize the last two posts are entirely what I've been reading! In the most hurried and unthoughtful way. And then also when I go back into the blog, in a way, it fucks up my thinking of the book, or doesn't force me to sit in silence and think about the book, and connections between these figures, and what I really want to say, etc. If that makes any sense. It does to me, but obviously maybe I'm not explaining well.
So I am thinking of this blog as a project, an experiment, that has finished or is over, a way to test a new personal style of criticism perhaps or a sort of notebooking of my meditations and projects. I don't know why I feel the need for some sort of announcement...the narcissism of the writer...except perhaps that the pressure of people looking to see if I'm posting, makes me feel like I should post more, and I shouldn't, I should try to wear this hat of the essayist, I haven't worn it for a while, or in reality there is no pressure but I have internalized it...I need to immerse myself in a different way. So I find it necessary to be more formal in this. For this was never a blog where my posts were cursory or short exclamations or images....it was always a very wordy blog, and I cannot do that anymore. The pressure of verbosity, etc. And I'd rather walk away feeling very good about the year writing this, and discoveries I've made, etc. than end it in a moment of panic or whatever. Although I do feel in a way that this blog is over for me...so I do intent to most likely take it down at some point. Most likely. I think so. I need to refocus my attentions. My New Year's Resolution was to focus on writing and go back to turning inward, and so that is what I plan to do.
I feel so grateful for this community that has formed here and there and elsewhere...that I will write to and reflect on in the book as well. And this year I will have Green Girl come out in the fall, and then if I actually get this in in time the essay book coming out in the spring of 12, so by then I will have some sort of more formal author's site set up that will probably be myname.com, you know, and I'll keep this around until that. I don't know.
I will also be at AWP and will be at the Belladonna* table a lot if you want to stop by and say hello, and will be on a panel moderated by Kathleen Rooney on Women Writers and the Waves of Feminism and the Body and whatnot, I believe that's Thursday, I'll post the info when I have that, and I will be moderating the first Belladonna* Prose Event that will take place Friday evening at 6:30pm at the Hamiltonian Gallery and will feature Eileen Myles, Bhanu Kapil and Vanessa Place. I will post the info for that when I have it.
This feels just like the organic way of things really. And maybe after the book is done I will reassess and go back to posting here, I do not know. I know I've said this like a jillion times before and it seems very the girl who cried Woolf, etc. Except this time it feels calm and so real. Before posting here felt fluid and vital, and I think one should stick with what feels fluid and vital, not forced.