Because my life is far too complex and full of more pressures internal and external for me to even untangle right now let alone write about it in public.
Here is the Anne Sexton poem that gave me the book's title (which was originally I think like "Fallen Angels" or "Fallen Angel" or something and then I googled it and came up with this poem which I stole the 'O' from)
And reading it now, I realize that even though the book was finished before I read this poem, it almost writes to it, my sections of Humpty-Dumpty-Maggie. But Anne Sexton's fairytale poems were an inspiration for the book, along with Angela Carter's revisions.
And perfect too because just like Sylvia, Anne Sexton was my mad housewife that I wanted to be reincarnated into when I was a tortured abject thing.
Anne Sexton reimagining herself as the reincarnation of Edna St. Vincent Millay.
And because today today I am too both saved and lost. And am feeling this poem.
( Also I realize when I first typed this out I wrote "blog" as opposed to "blot." Analyze that.)
The Fallen Angels by Anne Sexton
They come on to my clean
sheet of paper and leave a Rorschach blot.
They do not do this to be mean,
they do it to give me a sign
they want me, as Aubrey Beardsley once said,
to shove it around till something comes.
Clumsy as I am,
I do it.
For I am like them -
both saved and lost,
tumbling downward like Humpty Dumpty
off the alphabet.
Each morning I push them off my bed
and when they get in the salad
rolling in it like a dog,
I pick each one out
just the way my daughter
picks out the anchovies.
In May they dance on the jonquils,
wearing out their toes,
laughing like fish.
In November, the dread month,
they suck the childhood out of the berries
and turn them sour and inedible.
Yet they keep me company.
They wiggle up life.
They pass out their magic
like Assorted Lifesavers.
They go with me to the dentist
and protect me from the drill.
At the same time,
they go to class with me
and lie to my students.
O fallen angel,
the companion within me,
whisper something holy
before you pinch me
into the grave.