I am afraid
I did not dream and then I could not sleep. I am afraid.
Nothing in the dark when I was sleeping resembled what I hoped for when I felt sleep come over me. I was talking on the phone in a dreamy state, and ate chocolate covered cranberries and moved my hands over my hips.
The internet scares me so much.
I think that something terrible is happening.
Everything that I write here will come out looking so cruel and interchangeable. If there is a subtlety possible for me it will likely trace out only recondite aspects of my own vanity and other ignoble aspects of me.
Los Angeles seemed so calm that it could be like the Internet.
I think that I am scared of the Internet because it feels like ghosts entering my head and body.
I am so old. I think I am ten thousand years old.
Maybe later I will find a ‘theme’ for ths blog with a ‘look’ that is more suitable and maybe the present ‘look’ of what I put here will somehow become acceptable to me.
At this time nothing is acceptable to me. I am trying to accept things but I cannot.
I think it would be a fine and sensual feeling to dig a hole and to lie down inside it. To cause the cool earth to be piled on top of my body.
And to sleep.
I really love this. Does anyone have a spare copy of Reines' Coeur de Lion? I want to read it and the library does not have it.